Monthly Archives: March 2013

Kim Jung and Obama Play Ping Pong

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Okay not physically. Not like what Nixon and Kissinger did to open relations with China.  We are talking about verbal ping pong.  It all started when Obama made sure he had bigger binoculars.  NEWS ALERT – KIM GETS NEW BINOCULARS – See below.

two_binoculars

UPDATE AT BOTTOM.

Several days ago President Obama visited the Korean demilitarized zone and said, “It’s like looking across 50 years into a country that has missed 40 years or 50 years of progress.”  For more information see the following website. http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2012/03/Obama-Issues-North-Korea-Warning-Relatively-Safe-Distance/50301/

North Korea announced “the time has come to settle accounts with the US imperialists.”  See the following for more details. http://www.presstv.ir/usdetail/295615.html

US Defense Secretary Hagel admitted that “several B-2 bombers dropped dummy bombs on a South Korea island.”  Here is more: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/mar/28/b-2-stealth-bombers-drill-south-korea-defense-secr/

North Korea stated through it news agency that it has entered a “state of war” with South Korea as seen at the following website. http://news.yahoo.com/north-korea-issued-ultimate-definite-last-totally-final-022720835.html

Now North Korea has stated it has approved a nuclear attack on the United States.  Here are details. http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/world/north-korea-gives-final-approval-for-nuclear-attack-on-united-states/story-fnd134gw-1226612136732

White House Petition

The US has responded to aggressive talk by the North Koreans by further participating in drills with South Korea, positioning ships in the area and beefing up defenses in Guam.

We need to balance that strong defense with political gestures.  The perfect gesture is to mail 2 NY Knicks Tickets to the homes of the Supreme Leader Kim Jung Un and His Generals.  This way they know we know their home addresses and at the same time offer a gift to resume talks.  Please sign the petition at https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/reduce-n-korea-tensions-mailing-2-ny-knicks-tickets-homes-kim-jung-un-and-his-generals/4lYgFmxH

NEWS ALERT – KIM GETS NEW BINOCULARS

bigger_binocs

We will monitor this tense situation and see if Kim Jong Un gets his NY Knicks tickets..

Interstellar Program Is Out of This World

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We are not talking about a space program with visits to Mars.

None

This is a national competition with the support of the American Mathematics Competition (AMC) which is sponsored by the Mathematical Association of America (MAA).

Whew!  Enough of the acronyms already!

The idea is to test the mathematical prowess of every high school and create the equivalent of the NCAA brackets.  Only for math instead of basketball.

You could say it is going where no one has gone before.

For more information see the following website.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/03/24/math-march-madness-competition/2010875/

March Caption Contest – The New 30

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Here is my entry,

march_2013_caption

Kelley’s Software Installation & Upgrade Rules

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Recently a site was performing a software upgrade over the weekend.  No big deal, everyone thought, because this happens thousands of times across the world every day.

stoprobocallsYours truly was on call to support the site if any issues arose.

Needless to say they called Sunday afternoon after message traffic had gotten stuck in their queues for several hours and queue refreshes had not made a difference.

What I learned about the site was amazing.  They had performed not one, not two, but three software upgrades all at once.  They only backed up the system at the beginning.  They were the first site to go to this release.

Well, this prompted me to draft the following list of rules.

  1. Never install release 1.0 of anything.
  2. Never be the first site for any release.
  3. Always read the release notes and review the installation instructions.
  4. Always hold a readiness review meeting to answer questions.
  5. Never start an installation or upgrade without a backup of both your database and your system.
  6. Never install or upgrade more than two releases at a time.
  7. Always backup your databases before your second upgrade.
  8. Optionally backup your system before your second upgrade.
  9. Always backup both your database and your system after the last release.
  10.  Always test the functionality mentioned in the release notes.
  11.  Always examine all the log files for errors.
  12.  Always hold a party when the smoke clears aka the system is stable.

Now I feel a whole lot better.  Creating this list was quite a catharsis.

Let me know if you agree or have something to add.

Cardinal Conclave’s Concise Conciliatory Conclusion

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They did it.  After a day of discussions, arguing and farmisht, they did it.

Yes They decided that the new Pope will be a man!

At the end of the second day they agreed on a new pope.  Argentina’s Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio will be the new pope to represent the world’s Catholics.

Compared to the conclave, Bergoglio took very little time to decide to be known as Pope Francis.

Rumor has it he chose Francis because of Francis Bacon and “he always liked bacon.”

North Korea Cuts Off Pizza Hotline

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South Korea was in shock today when they learned they could no longer order pizza over the phone.

This action has increased the tensions between the two Korean countries which are already heightened due to recent launches of test missiles by both.

President Obama, when asked about his thoughts of the cutoff, remarked, “What a shame.  I really like pizza.”

Oh, my. We have just received word that the hotline was not a pizza hotline but a Red Cross hotline.  Well what do you know.  There are two kinds of hotlines.

As Gilda Radner famously said, “Never mind.”

Obama Predicts Star Trek and Star Wars Mega-Merger

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obama_jedi

President Obama recently let the cat out of the bag when he used the phrase “Jedi mind meld” when referring to his inability to get Congress to resolve the sequestration dilemma. See video.

http://www.nowthisnews.com/news/obama-jedi-mind-meld-wont-solve-budget-crisis/

With the Dow Jones industrial average flirting with a new high there has been a rash of mega-merger mania.  http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-02-20/business/37190427_1_antitrust-enforcement-antitrust-professor-antitrust-officials

Among the mergers are: 1. American Airlines and US Airways 2. Office Depot and OfficeMax 3. Heinz and Berkshire Hathaway and 4. Disney and Lucasfilm including Star Wars.

Now we have a new mega-merger to add to the list.

Star Wars and Star Trek (Disney and Viacom)

Recent actions by the Obama Administration point to such a merger.

1. The White House declared the Death Star to be Dead.  See https://michaelekelley.com/2013/01/29/death-to-the-death-star/

2. The Obama Administration is supporting drones everywhere instead of an army of battle droids. http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/content08/droid-army.jpg

I am sure we will be seeing more of the following:

vulcan_sign

May the force be with you.

This Is Gonna Take A While – Amazing

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Ever have one of those days when you have a lot of energy and then when you go to start the next task, you realize it won’t take a few minutes?  You know, more like a day or two?

maze

And worse yet, you can’t call for backup.

New Obama Dollar Coin Announced

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WASHINGTON D.C. – The Treasury Department announced today that they are pressing forward with the minting of a new dollar coin with the silhouette of President Barack Obama.

orange_obama_coinThe President was “thrilled” to hear about the new coin, a White House source confirmed.  He had been “totally furious” that he had spent time the precious week posing for a trillion-dollar platinum coin that would never be minted. See http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/01/obama-furious-he-wasted-week-posing-for-coin.html

Treasury officials reversed course and decided to commemorate the historical second inauguration.  They will be using funds budgeted before sequestration.

After the overwhelming success of adding color to paper money, the Treasury Department decided to start coloring coins as well.  When asked why the color orange was chosen, Robert Steel of the Treasury Department replied, “The coin is only 10 percent silver and 20 percent nickel so it does not really matter.”

Mr. Steel also announced that the coin would be available in 60 days assuming it passes testing to see if any teeth marks could be detected.

Both Treasury and White House officials collaborated on the coin’s design.  In acknowledgement of all the various religions found in the U.S., the coin will not have the words “In God We Trust.”

The coin fiasco behind him, Mr. Obama has now apparently turned his attention to balancing the budget within the next 100 years.