Humor

It has been said that laughter is the best medicine.  I fully agree and have constantly tried to make people around me laugh. Sometimes it was accidental.  This site gives me a chance to make you laugh and take your mind off your stress and worries.  Enjoy!

Mike

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15 thoughts on “Humor

  1. Thanks to David Itkin of the 99% Declaration for the following:

    Secret conspiracies are hard to start and nearly impossible to conceal for long. As Twain said: The only way for three people to keep a secret is for two to be dead.

  2. For centuries, humans have wondered why dinosaurs were extinct. In the last century scientists correlated the date a meteor collided with Earth with the approximate date the extinction occurred. They theorized that the Earth was covered with a thick dense cloud found in rock that was millions of years old. In the last several decades, archeologists have found evidence that the dinosaurs are actually descendants of birds.

    I have a different theory that explains why dinosaurs are extinct. Dinosaurs tasted like chicken.

  3. Three Envelopes

    A newly hired manager moves into his new office and meets his predecessor on his last day. The predecessor tells the new manager there are three envelopes in the drawer and he is to use one each time a crisis occurs.

    Well several months pass before a crisis happens. The manager goes to the drawer and gets the first envelope. He opens it. It says :”Blame the predecessor.” He does that and the crisis passes.

    Several more months pass before another crisis happens. The manager again goes to the drawer and gets the second envelope. This time it says :Reorganize”. So he does that and the crisis subsides.

    Again several more months pass and a third crisis happens. This time the manager goes to the drawer and knowing this is the last envelope, he hopes it contains the final solution he needs.

    He opens the drawer and opens the last envelope. The contents say “Create three envelopes”.

  4. The other day I went to a noontime Toastmaster speech club meeting. Several of us members that had been there several years were asked to say the one word that describes our current feeling about Toastmasters.

    I said, “Hungry.”

    Then I explained that I was hungry for knowledge and how to improve my communication skills.

  5. And file these last two under: I guess someone who built both Hitler’s guided missiles and America’s moon rockets would need a sense of humor, just to live with himself:

    “Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month.”
    — Wernher von Braun

    “We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.”
    — Werner von Braun

    Thanks to David Itkin

  6. Tom is having a nice lunch with his wife at a Chinese restaurant. At the end of the meal, they receive the traditional fortune cookies for two. Tom opens his cookie and reads the fortune. He realizes it is very similar to two or three other fortune cookies he has had recently. When the waiter comes by again, Tom asks, “If you receive the same fortune multiple times, does that mean it is more likely to come true?”

    The waiter responds, “No, you eat lot of cookie.”

  7. Some people including my wife get turned around easily. In other words, they easily lose their sense of direction.

    So I tell people, “If only my wife would eat more raisins.” They ask, “Why?”

    I reply, “Because raisins are full of iron and if my wife had more iron, then maybe her internal compass would work better.”

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