Category Archives: Humor

Why Are We Possessed With Zombies and The Dead?

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The IMDb database for movies and television shows has 840 shows just for zombies and 6779 shows involving death.

zombie

“HELP!  I can’t watch all those shows by myself!”

Could anyone but Leonard Maltin possibly watch all of them?

Even angels appear in only 357 shows and a fairy in only 140.  I am paraphrasing but Woody Allen said the only constant was death and taxes. Despite that taxes are only found in 151 shows. 

Looks like nobody got over the excitement, fear, and anxiousness of mysterious creatures under our beds and in our closets when we were kids.  Mercer Mayer and his children’s books involving the little Monsters made Monsters seem fun.

Now we can’t get enough of them.

My all time favorite show is Zombieland with Woody Harrelson. That is the one with a zillion Twinkies.

twinkies

The thought of Zombies after every Twinkie purchase is probably what killed Hostess.

May every Twinkie and Zombie die or live in peace.

Cheating Death By Procrastination

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Here is my logic.  If most people retire at age 65 and the average life expectancy is 84 years, than that means most people live 19 years after retirement.

pushretirementThus if you postpone retirement, you should postpone death.

In other words, if I delay retirement until age 75, then I should live to age 94, right?

I gotta think positive.  I need time to rebuild my nest egg.

Death to the Death Star

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Recently a White House Petition at the “We The People” website received the required 25,000 signatures.  This particular petition asked for the government to build a Death Star by 2016 to boost job creation and bolster national defense.

deathstar

Because it received the required signatures, the White House had to respond. Thus Paul Shawcross, Chief of Science and Space at the White House Office of Management and Budget, formulated the following reply.

  • Financially
    • It costs $850,000,000,000,000,000
    • We need to reduce the budget not expand it.
  • Morally
    • The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
  • Practically
    • It is a flawed concept – can be exploited by a one-man starship.

Evidently the answer is no.  Maybe the next Administration will be more lenient.

NOTE TO BANKS – A Prepaid Gift Card is NOT A Debit Card

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Several times I have received a gift card or a prepaid card that clearly says “DEBIT CARD” on the card above the VISA or MasterCard logo.  But NOOOO…..

giftcard

When I go to use it I have to say it is a Credit Card because it does not have a pin number.

Why don’t the banks put the following on the card?

PREPAID CARD (use like Credit Card)

You would think the banks making billions of dollars a year could figure this out.

January Caption Contest Entry

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2013_01_caption

SCOTTY, BEAM US UP!

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again – I Mean Secede

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Another reason we need to rethink our education system.

What’s In A Name When It Comes To Good BBQ?

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[Please read the following with a Georgia accent.]

Recently I was in Warner Robins, Georgia on business.  Just outside the Robins Air Force Base was a barbecue restaurant.  It had some of the best tasting, melt in your mouth, smoky flavored barbecue I have ever eaten in every single bite.

Over the years, I have been to a number of great barbecue places.  They usually are shacks with faded wood on the sides and rusty tin roofs.  They all look like they would burn down if the cooks took their eyes off the fire for only a second and an amber escaped.

But what got me was the name of this larger than usual restaurant in Georgia with the outside painted red.  Since the owner was well known in the area for his barbecue, it makes sense for him to name it after himself.  That is why the restaurant has a large pink neon sign with the name “Martin’s BBQ”.

But I maintain, from an outsider’s point of view, that the name just does not have a great ring to it.  I like the name “Leroy’s BBQ”.  Now that is a name that reeks of barbecue, don’t you think?

Why Education Needs To Change

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This is just one reason why education must change.

We need to seriously look at how to improve education in the United States in order to offer a World Class education.  Here are some futuristic ideas.

1.  Decide to concentrate on quality not quantity.  Instead of smaller class sizes which means more teachers, let’s concentrate on better teachers.

2.  Collect and catalog all the best videos of teachers.  We need to focus on the best of the best videos and teachers that motivate.

3.  Allow vouchers to be used.  Parents will pick the best schools which will encourage all schools to get better via supply and demand.

4.  Meet in classes for group or team projects as well as testing.  Students will want to socialize and test scores can be verified.

5.  Encourage service for student grants.  Do military or community service in exchange for student grants or loans.

Let’s make some positive change.  Here is more information.

http://www.futuresearch.com/futureblog/2010/09/01/why-education-must-change/

October Caption Contest Entry

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My submitted entry has the person saying,

“Would it help if I went to work for Bain Capital?”

Before We Had Cold Activated Beer Cans

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Courtesy of

http://getsecondlunch.com/2012/10/01/before-_______-we-had-________/