Setting My Watch At Snack Time

I used to go to work and leave my watch at home.

watch

Recently one of our employees named Steve retired.  He was a fairly skinny guy. Boy did he have a busy schedule before he left us.

He had peanuts at 10 AM.  Then potato chips at 1 PM and finally an Ice Cream bar at 3 PM.  This was on top of his lunch at noon. 

He added credence to the idea that you will NOT gain weight if you eat a lot of small meals.

popcorn

A long time ago I worked on the West Coast Shuttle effort.  A lot of my time was spent in the same building with the Operations Maintenance Documentation (OMD) Group.  I liked to call it the OMG department because at exactly 2 PM one of the large data entry personnel would pop a bag of popcorn.  OMG!  The smell of popcorn would permeate the whole building.

My point is those snack times allowed me to either set my watch at 2 PM every day or just leave my watch at home.  But alas those were the good ole’ days.

Why Are We Possessed With Zombies and The Dead?

The IMDb database for movies and television shows has 840 shows just for zombies and 6779 shows involving death.

zombie

“HELP!  I can’t watch all those shows by myself!”

Could anyone but Leonard Maltin possibly watch all of them?

Even angels appear in only 357 shows and a fairy in only 140.  I am paraphrasing but Woody Allen said the only constant was death and taxes. Despite that taxes are only found in 151 shows. 

Looks like nobody got over the excitement, fear, and anxiousness of mysterious creatures under our beds and in our closets when we were kids.  Mercer Mayer and his children’s books involving the little Monsters made Monsters seem fun.

Now we can’t get enough of them.

My all time favorite show is Zombieland with Woody Harrelson. That is the one with a zillion Twinkies.

twinkies

The thought of Zombies after every Twinkie purchase is probably what killed Hostess.

May every Twinkie and Zombie die or live in peace.

Cheating Death By Procrastination

Here is my logic.  If most people retire at age 65 and the average life expectancy is 84 years, than that means most people live 19 years after retirement.

pushretirementThus if you postpone retirement, you should postpone death.

In other words, if I delay retirement until age 75, then I should live to age 94, right?

I gotta think positive.  I need time to rebuild my nest egg.

NOTE TO BANKS – A Prepaid Gift Card is NOT A Debit Card

Several times I have received a gift card or a prepaid card that clearly says “DEBIT CARD” on the card above the VISA or MasterCard logo.  But NOOOO…..

giftcard

When I go to use it I have to say it is a Credit Card because it does not have a pin number.

Why don’t the banks put the following on the card?

PREPAID CARD (use like Credit Card)

You would think the banks making billions of dollars a year could figure this out.

January Caption Contest Entry

2013_01_caption

SCOTTY, BEAM US UP!

If At First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again – I Mean Secede

Another reason we need to rethink our education system.

What’s In A Name When It Comes To Good BBQ?

[Please read the following with a Georgia accent.]

Recently I was in Warner Robins, Georgia on business.  Just outside the Robins Air Force Base was a barbecue restaurant.  It had some of the best tasting, melt in your mouth, smoky flavored barbecue I have ever eaten in every single bite.

Over the years, I have been to a number of great barbecue places.  They usually are shacks with faded wood on the sides and rusty tin roofs.  They all look like they would burn down if the cooks took their eyes off the fire for only a second and an amber escaped.

But what got me was the name of this larger than usual restaurant in Georgia with the outside painted red.  Since the owner was well known in the area for his barbecue, it makes sense for him to name it after himself.  That is why the restaurant has a large pink neon sign with the name “Martin’s BBQ”.

But I maintain, from an outsider’s point of view, that the name just does not have a great ring to it.  I like the name “Leroy’s BBQ”.  Now that is a name that reeks of barbecue, don’t you think?

October Caption Contest Entry

My submitted entry has the person saying,

“Would it help if I went to work for Bain Capital?”

Before We Had Cold Activated Beer Cans

Courtesy of

http://getsecondlunch.com/2012/10/01/before-_______-we-had-________/

Pretty In ………… Yellow?

Joanne and Richard were expecting a baby soon.  They knew this was going to be their last baby.  Even though they secretly wanted a boy, they did not want to know the sex of the newborn.

Consequently they decorated the baby’s room completely in a neutral color …  yes you guessed it… yellow.

Well this frustrated the grandparents to no end.  They had heard myths about yellow being a depressing color or making babies angry.

When the baby was born and to the parent’s delight, it was a boy they named Jason.

No more than one hour went by after the birth when the grandparents rushed out and bought everything baby-related they could find.  In the color blue.