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About Michael E Kelley

Software geek, speaker, humorist, consultant, writer and futurist.

Who’s Been Messin’ With My Workstation?

We all love our workstations.  Even if our employer bought them and put a label on them.  We would hate to have someone move or change it.  Here is one such story.

post-it-notes

Upon visiting a customer site to perform a software upgrade, the three of us engineers couldn’t help but notice the Post-it notes all over the edge of the console.  There was so many notes that there was little room for one more.

The main operator’s name was Mike just like mine.  He was a really big guy like a former football player who had retired from the game and put on a few pounds.

When Mike went to lunch, one of our engineers decided to put one more Post-it note on his workstation. He wrote “Call your mother” on one and stuck it near the center top rim amongst the many others.  We all wondered if Mike would notice the new note with so many others covering the edge.

When Mike came back from lunch, a mere 5 minutes went by when Mike asked in a deep angry voice, “Who’s been messin’ with my workstation?”

The three of us engineers cracked up and laughed hysterically.  When we finally calmed down, the engineer that put the last Post-it-note on the workstation confessed.

Mike too had calmed down and understood it was a simple joke.

But this simple joke could have gone seriously wrong.  What if Mike’s mother had passed away?  Then the joke would have been a tragic reminder of a missed loved one.

So the moral of this story is always watch what you say. Anything you say may come back to haunt you.

What Would $4 Billion in Election Money Buy?

We just saw the most expensive midterm election in our nation’s history.

brian_promo

 

Did you get any robocalls? Are you sick of them?

The effect of  U.S. Supreme Court rulings like Citizens United resulted in a midterm election that cost almost $4 BILLION.  And much of it was DARK MONEY.

$4 BILLION could pay for one year of the entire budget of the state of Delaware.

$4 billion could buy 1 billion meals for the homeless.

Or pay for the entire annual Renewable Energy Loans Program.

Now the American people are taking a stand.

The fifth anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court ruling that enabled that corruption is right around the corner — and people are gearing up to make this one of the last anniversaries before Citizens United is overturned.

Activists nationwide are renewing the fight to make their state the next to call for a constitutional amendment to overturn Citizens United.

Across the country, voters are outraged that a few billionaires continue to try to buy our democracy often hiding their identity.

Go to Money Out / Voters In http://www.moneyoutvotersin.org/

And help pave the way to restoring real democracy.

Ebola Humor – If Possible

Here is my latest USA Today Caption Contest entry.

2014_nov_caption

Thanks to Mike Smith, Las Vegas Sun, King Features.

Oh yeah, and to Ebola and to Hazmat suits.

Autumn Meditation

You can relax by staring at this picture and slowly counting from 1 to 50. Then 50 to 1.

autumn_trees

I’ll bet you found yourself taking a deep breath.  If not, go back and do it again.

That is what relaxation and meditation feel like.  Do you like it?

Better yet, go take a walk around you neighborhood or the nearest park.  You will be glad you did.

Oh, crap!  I have to go rake up my leaves before it gets dark! See ya!

 

Why Stock Markets and Forex Are Not 24 By 7.

With all of the computers and automation out there, why aren’t markets open all day?  It is because of price fixing at the close. Not because traders want a family life.

scrooge

Not one but SIX banks face fines up to $2.4 Billion for shady currency trading.

Here is the list of banks:  JPMorgan Chase, Citigroup,  Barclays, HSBC, Royal Bank of Scotland and UBS.

These banks were caught red-handed with text messages bragging about their shady trades to manipulate currency trading. They talk about the numpty, aka idiot, traders,  Here is a summary of the text messages:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/have-that-my-son-bravo-chat-logs-from-fx-probe-revealed-and-its-no-boring-read-2014-11-12?page=1

If you want to see the full list of text messages, look at this:

http://www.cftc.gov/ucm/groups/public/@newsroom/documents/file/hsbcmisconduct111114.pdf

How do we solve this problem?  Not with fines.

What do all these trades have in common?  They were done at market close.

This problem is not just with Forex trading.  It also involves the stock market.

We solve this by making the markets stay open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Isn’t freedom defined as being able to buy a burger or a stock at 2 AM?

Note: Forex claims to be open 24 hours but each time zone closes at 4 PM locally.

Loch Ness Monster Seen Vacationing in US

On my plane flight back from Georgia I snapped this photo.

loch_ness

It’s the Loch Ness Monster vacationing on the Mississippi River!

Sorry about the fuzzy photo.  I was understandably excited.  Wouldn’t you be?

How about that sunset?

Enjoy!

First Google Cars Will Be Free

That’s right!  How about a free car?  But how is that possible?

google_car2

Remember when newspaper websites were free in the beginning?

That is because of all the advertisements.

With the Google Car you will have lots of time to see – ads.  And these ads will be displayed non-stop in the virtual reality space right in front of you.

The good news is this means the end of all those ugly billboards! You know like the 300 foot high ones between Atlanta and Macon, Georgia.

Finally our civilization has moved beyond billboards!

Here Is Stupid Idea For Coke Can

“Stupid Is As Stupid Does”, said Forrest Gump.  And that is all I have to say about that.

stupidcoke

 

 

Except it’s the real thing.

 

The Coke that is, not the can.

 

Enjoy!

8 Things To Do When Recession Happens

Yeah it is not a matter of IF but WHEN the next recession will happen.  Sorry.  You could go ride a roller coaster to get your mind off of it.  Or you could do these things.

rollercoaster

Recessions occur every 4 to 8 years in a society with capitalism and little regulation.  And since the last one was in 2008….

Here’s what you should do.

1. DON’T PANIC – Stay calm.  Most people will be doing one thing – panicking. You won’t.

2. THINK, THINK, THINK – Be smarter than the rest. Know when to sell, when to buy and, like Kenny Rogers, when to hold.

3. SET UP ALERTS – Get an E*Trade or other brokerage account and set up messages when Dow (DJIA) goes up 3% or goes down 3% in a day.

4. RECALIBRATE AT NOON EASTERN TIME – If you have time, think about your next sell or buy of what and for how much before the market closes.

5. IF UP, SELL – When there is a jump up in stocks, sell your stock and funds 25-35% at a time.  You may have to wait to use the money.   Time is on your side.

6. IF UP AND GOLD IS DOWN, BUY GOLD – Gold usually moves opposite of stocks, so buy gold or gold mining funds such as NEM which will move up when stocks crash.

7. IF UP, BUY SHORTS – Shorts are stock buys that you expect to go down.  Pick losers on purpose.  Also choose bearish ETFs such as PILS and TECS that rise if the stock price of pharmaceutical or tech companies goes down.

8. IF DOWN, WAIT – Remember we agreed to not panic.

There will be four 400+ gains or losses of the DOW before a recession happens.  Anybody can take advantage of them. And I know you will. (There have been 4 days in August and September 2015 with over 400 point ups and downs.)

Or you can go ride a roller coaster to get your mind off of the market’s ups and downs.

P.S. I care about you, but can’t be held responsible for your results.

Revised: 04/10/2016 DUG is volatile since oil producers are considering fixing output quantities.

Google Gadget Goes Gilligan

I have entered the USA Today Caption Contest many times but forgot to post my June one.

google_car

Sound familiar?  The words follow the Gilligan’s Island theme song.

Thanks to Mike Smith, Las Vegas Sun, King Features for the artwork.

Enjoy!