Category Archives: Humor

Obama Predicts Star Trek and Star Wars Mega-Merger

Posted on by
Reply

obama_jedi

President Obama recently let the cat out of the bag when he used the phrase “Jedi mind meld” when referring to his inability to get Congress to resolve the sequestration dilemma. See video.

http://www.nowthisnews.com/news/obama-jedi-mind-meld-wont-solve-budget-crisis/

With the Dow Jones industrial average flirting with a new high there has been a rash of mega-merger mania.  http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-02-20/business/37190427_1_antitrust-enforcement-antitrust-professor-antitrust-officials

Among the mergers are: 1. American Airlines and US Airways 2. Office Depot and OfficeMax 3. Heinz and Berkshire Hathaway and 4. Disney and Lucasfilm including Star Wars.

Now we have a new mega-merger to add to the list.

Star Wars and Star Trek (Disney and Viacom)

Recent actions by the Obama Administration point to such a merger.

1. The White House declared the Death Star to be Dead.  See https://michaelekelley.com/2013/01/29/death-to-the-death-star/

2. The Obama Administration is supporting drones everywhere instead of an army of battle droids. http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/content08/droid-army.jpg

I am sure we will be seeing more of the following:

vulcan_sign

May the force be with you.

This Is Gonna Take A While – Amazing

Posted on by
Reply

Ever have one of those days when you have a lot of energy and then when you go to start the next task, you realize it won’t take a few minutes?  You know, more like a day or two?

maze

And worse yet, you can’t call for backup.

New Obama Dollar Coin Announced

Posted on by
Reply

WASHINGTON D.C. – The Treasury Department announced today that they are pressing forward with the minting of a new dollar coin with the silhouette of President Barack Obama.

orange_obama_coinThe President was “thrilled” to hear about the new coin, a White House source confirmed.  He had been “totally furious” that he had spent time the precious week posing for a trillion-dollar platinum coin that would never be minted. See http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/01/obama-furious-he-wasted-week-posing-for-coin.html

Treasury officials reversed course and decided to commemorate the historical second inauguration.  They will be using funds budgeted before sequestration.

After the overwhelming success of adding color to paper money, the Treasury Department decided to start coloring coins as well.  When asked why the color orange was chosen, Robert Steel of the Treasury Department replied, “The coin is only 10 percent silver and 20 percent nickel so it does not really matter.”

Mr. Steel also announced that the coin would be available in 60 days assuming it passes testing to see if any teeth marks could be detected.

Both Treasury and White House officials collaborated on the coin’s design.  In acknowledgement of all the various religions found in the U.S., the coin will not have the words “In God We Trust.”

The coin fiasco behind him, Mr. Obama has now apparently turned his attention to balancing the budget within the next 100 years.

Spoiling babies

Posted on by
Reply

Do we have to buy a different colored tablet to match every baby outfit?

tablet_babyI ask you. Will this kid think this picture is funny in 20 years?

Who let this kid play in Mom’s and Dad’s bed?

Captain Kirk Saves Oscars

Posted on by
Reply

Trekkies had a lot to celebrate during the Academy Awards.

oscar

Captain Kirk went back in time to 2013 to help Seth McFarlane clean up his act.

The Captain spent 20 minutes giving Seth tips for the show which included several classic song and dance numbers with Seth and other stars.

A special tribute to James Bond movies was well received.

By the end of the night, the big winners were “Life of Pi”, “Argo”, Daniel Day-Lewis and Jennifer Lawrence.

So Trekkies and Engineers everywhere were celebrating what they have known all along: the importance of Pi.

A special appearance by Michelle Obama and her bangs to announce the Best Picture, “Argo”, was also smashing.

Engineers Make Lousy Husbands

Posted on by
Reply

An engineer is trained to think about all the possibilities for a system problem.  Whether it is a hardware or software system, all the reasons for a hiccup or failure must be identified in order to resolve the problem.  This results in several hypotheses and explanations.

rock_climber

While engineers may be great problem solvers, they fail to get a grip on how to communicate.

When an engineer tackles one of life’s problems, many possible solutions are examined.  Like which do you do first – pay the bills, buy groceries or fix the garden?  And in what order do you perform the rest of these tasks?  An engineer would give several action plans and reasons for each.

But a wife thinks a lot differently than an engineer.  In fact a woman will want one and only one answer to a question or issue or she will begin to distrust the husband.

So try to imagine being an engineer AND a husband.  What a conundrum.

She gets upset when he gives her more than one answer and then he gets frustrated when he realizes he should have stuck with the first answer.  Talk about being up the creek without a paddle.  Oy vey!

Snacks Are Good For Kids As Well As Parents

Posted on by
1

Okay.  I know what you are thinking.  What a stupid, ignorant thing to say.

I know some snacks are awful but read what I have to say.

popcorn

I was in my optometrist’s office the other day.  She comes in fretting about her kids saying, “I worry about them.”

I told her, “Kids are pretty resilient.  Let me make a suggestion which goes against all normal thinking.”

Now I have her attention.

“Snacks are a good thing.”

She looks at me funny.

“I know what you are thinking but if you buy good snacks, they will come.  What I mean is your kids will hang around your house and you will get to know their friends.  And if you know their friends, you will know what they are doing.  As opposed to them off with their friends and you not knowing what they are up to.  This makes for good kids.”

“Wow, that makes sense.” she replies.

“And you can buy 100% juice drinks, whole grain chips and carrots with ranch dressing.”

“Thanks.” she replies.

I hope to hear in a few years that it worked out for her.  And maybe she won’t have as many worry lines on her forehead as I do.

Death To Identity Thief

Posted on by
Reply

No I am not talking about the movie.  But this will give you a run for your money.

identitytheft

Have you noticed that the keywords “death” and “dead” are the most popular?

At first I thought it was part of a “goth” or “freddy” or maybe “scissorhand” fetish for the horror movie genre.  You know.  Just like the Star Trek has Trekkies, I thought these were Deathies.

But then at 3 AM in the middle of the night I sat up in bed and realized, these are hackers. They are looking for obituaries.  And why would they do that?  To find identities to steal! 

How many people are going to realize that their identity was stolen if they are dead?

Let me put this another way.  Which is the least likely demographic to object and retaliate for identity theft?  Right.  Dead people.

This has been a community service announcement.

Oh, by the way, the Identity Thief movie is pretty good.

New Monopoly Piece Is The Cat’s Meow And Cat’s Pajamas At Same Time

Posted on by
2

Talk about your day of reckoning.  All the Cat-loving Dog-hating people have finally got their way.  [Okay.  I am sure there are a few Cat-loving Dog-loving people out there.  Will you please stand up?]  

monopoly_cat 

Since the game of Monopoly was first sold over a hundred years ago, there has been a Dog albeit a Scottish Terrier.  But there has never been a Cat – until today.

A Monopoly contest was held this past month and a new piece was chosen.

Cat-lovers are ecstatic. 

Some protagonists can hardly wait for the day when the Cat and the Dog end up on the same Monopoly board square.

But the same contest chose a loser.  Yes the much maligned and hardly used Iron piece was chosen for the dumpster.  Nobody liked ironing anyways.

Setting My Watch At Snack Time

Posted on by
1

I used to go to work and leave my watch at home.

watch

Recently one of our employees named Steve retired.  He was a fairly skinny guy. Boy did he have a busy schedule before he left us.

He had peanuts at 10 AM.  Then potato chips at 1 PM and finally an Ice Cream bar at 3 PM.  This was on top of his lunch at noon. 

He added credence to the idea that you will NOT gain weight if you eat a lot of small meals.

popcorn

A long time ago I worked on the West Coast Shuttle effort.  A lot of my time was spent in the same building with the Operations Maintenance Documentation (OMD) Group.  I liked to call it the OMG department because at exactly 2 PM one of the large data entry personnel would pop a bag of popcorn.  OMG!  The smell of popcorn would permeate the whole building.

My point is those snack times allowed me to either set my watch at 2 PM every day or just leave my watch at home.  But alas those were the good ole’ days.