Tag Archives: funny

Things I Will Carry – Things I Will Not Post

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People are fascinated with what other people think is important.  Take for instance how to travel light or what to keep on a deserted island.

https://i0.wp.com/i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/13955786/2/stock-illustration-13955786-cartoon-man-on-deserted-island.jpg

While updating my LinkedIn.com profile the other day, I received a message about a blog post titled “Things I Will Carry”.  I was curious to see what that person considered the most valuable items to carry.

Well soon as I read it, another message showed up about things another person will carry.

Then another and another.

So I Googled it and found 773,000 websites with things I will carry.  Now that is a lot of things.  Who could possibly carry them all?

What was really odd was people said they would carry their fetish or their geekiness.

Say what?

I will defend any geek and accept most fetishes, but to tout them on a blog is over the top.

I will stick to my blogs about death, zombies and President Obama.  Did I actually put all of those in the same sentence?  Awesome!

P.S. Being an engineer, I have to confess, I will always carry a pen to write with.  But no pocket protector for me.

Making A Mustache Work

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Who says having a mustache is out of date?

la cucaracha

Celebrities like James Franco, Colin Farrell, and Jason Sudeikis are sporting mustaches.  Consequently they are everywhere – on women, babies and teenagers.

mustache1-3

Here are the 3 commandments according to GQ magazine for making a mustache work.

http://shopping.yahoo.com/news/the-3-commandments-for-making-a-mustache-work-172231992.html

Never underestimate the power of the ‘stache.

Obama and Assad Imitate Cosby

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President Obama wasn’t going to let Syria’s President Bashar Assad be the only one with a Bill Cosby impersonation.

obama_frizzle_frazzle

The President is seen here saying, “Anybody got any frizzle frazzle?”

The Obama response was prompted by a news report on  The Daily Show Tuesday Sept 10 by Aasif Mandvi.  In this video clip of the report is a Cosby impersonation by Assad during his Charm Offensive.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-september-9-2013/inglourious-bashar—charm-offensive

Enjoy these rare moments between wars as politicians let down their guard.

For some reason I am suddenly craving a pudding pop.

 

Mustache Saves The Day

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Does this scene look familiar?

( thanks to thecarconnection.com )

Well this happened to me this past weekend when my wife and I were on a California  freeway and I crossed the double yellow line to get into the carpool lane.

As many Californians know, there is a carpool entrance and exit every couple of miles.  It would be “too normal” to have one before each freeway exit and another one after each on-ramp.  In other words there are a lot fewer than is logically necessary.

The officer told me why I was pulled over.  He asked me where I was going.  I told him we were visiting my son and we didn’t drive this freeway very often.  I then added that I thought there were way too few carpool lane entrances.  He replied that he gets that all the time. After I gave him my registration and insurance card, he asked if my record was clean.  I replied, “Yes.”  Then he went to his car to confirm my record.

When he returned, he asked me an unusual question, “Are you a former fireman or policeman?”  I replied, “No.”  He then proceeded to let me off with a warning instead of the $389 traffic fine.

When we pulled away, I realized he thought I was a former fireman or policeman because of my mustache!

The moral of the story: the mustache saved the day!  Or maybe it was cause my wife winked at him.

( thanks to clker.com )

Caption Contest – Retirement

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Here is my entry to the USA Caption Contest featuring art work by Mike Smith.

caption_201308

For more retirement fun look at this post.

Cheating Death By Procrastination

 

Chicken Takes Lickin’ and Keeps Tickin’

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We can learn a lot from the Congresswoman from Denver.

chicken_run

 

She stated in a Committee meeting that Blacks were over weight and poor from eating too much chicken.  She also claimed Mexicans were slimmer before migrating to the US because of more vegetables in the Mexican diet.

These broad statements are completely false.  The chickens should organize a million chicken march.

We can learn several lessons from these statements:

1. Just about anybody can get elected with enough money.

2. People need to read or view unbiased news more often and not skip the statistics.

Now we know why the young people in the 20’s and 30’s are abstaining from voting.

But young people are our future and must take an interest to fix this situation.  They do not have to march on Washington.  But they do need to vote, no matter what.  Always.

Everyone needs to be better than the chicken by takin’ a lickin’ and keep on tickin’.

Scientists Create Artificial Lips

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Genetic engineers have nearly perfected growing lips on plants.

lips

 

 

 

 

 

 

How is that for lip service?

We understand they are now working on growing ears on stocks of corn.

Obama Uses New Stealth Golf Cart

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Obama, shown below, steps into the latest US technology on his summer vacation.

obama_golf

The $90 million prototype features a 4 foot high translucent screen that surrounds the cart which is equipped with a silent electric motor.  Many tiny cameras, strategically placed around the cart, project the scenery to the opposite side to make the cart invisible.

Press Secretary, Jay Carney, said, “The stealth features of the cart and its mobility are better than a Harry Potter invisibility cloak.”

The President was enjoying his vacation and the new invention until a golfer did not see the cart and blasted a tee shot into one of the screens.  That prompted Obama to quip, “We’ll have to work on bullet proof screens next.”  The President’s comment resulted in a 10% jump in the futures price of bullet proof commodities.

Rumors are circling that Halliburton wants to purchase 100 of the stealth carts for their petroleum engineers in Iraq even though nobody has seen a petroleum engineer in Iraq in 3 years.

Which Wiener is the Winner?

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A recent dachshund race in San Diego illustrates why dogs should not have windows.

wiener_winner

As the red arrow points out, the race has started but one dog is busy looking out its back window. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-video/video-dachshunds-race-for-top-dog-title/article13597261/

Here is another example.

dog_slobber

Yep those are dogs slobbering out an RV window.

In conclusion, these photos illustrate why dogs should NOT have windows.

Regarding which wiener is the winner, it unfortunately is not the dog above the red arrow.

This Makes Rush Hour Seem Tame

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bullrun

Yes, the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain can make your traffic nightmare seem dreamy.  (Thanks to Jesus Diges.)

Okay you can go back to your easy listening radio channel.  And remember no “drexting” aka driving and texting at the same time.