October Caption Contest

Here is my entry to the USA Today Opinion Caption Contest for October 2013.

2013_oct_caption

If you like this, more captions can be found at

https://www.facebook.com/usatodayopinion .

Thanks.

Man Salad – Yes Men Eat Salad

Here is a great recipe for an energy boosting Man Salad.

man_salad

For lunch each weekday (and sometimes on Saturday) eat a salad. But not just any salad, eat a Man Salad darn it!  Packing as many T-boosting foods as possible into this thing.

  • Spinach/Spring Salad Mix. This is the base of the salad. Use Organic Girl Greens from Whole Foods. Yeah, I know. The base of the Man Salad comes from a company called Organic Girl. Spinach and other leafy green vegetables contain minerals like magnesium and zinc, which have been shown to aid in T production.
  • Meat. Meat, particularly beef, provides our bodies with the protein it needs to create muscle (more muscle = more T) and the fats and cholesterol to make T. Chicken has a little more protein than beef if you prefer.
  • Nuts. Usually a handful of Brazil nuts or walnuts. Nuts are little fat bombs that provide the cholesterol that Leydig cells need for T production. Just don’t go crazy with them. Too much selenium is no bueno.
  • Avocado/Olives. Avocados and olives are a great source of the good fats we need for healthy T production.
  • Broccoli. Every now and then throw some broccoli into the salad. Broccoli contains high levels of indoles, which has been shown to reduce the bad estrogen in our bodies that sap T levels.
  • Olive Oil. Top the Man Salad off with lots of olive oil.  Research suggests that olive oil helps your Leydig cells absorb cholesterol better. Our Leydig cells need cholesterol to make T.  More cholesterol absorption = more testosterone.
  • Balsamic Vinegar. Mostly for taste. It’s also supposed to help keep your insulin in check.

Most of the ingredients for the Man Salad were from Whole Foods. For those curious, all the ingredients were divided by six to make six of these salads in a week. The cost per salad was roughly $5. That’s about the price many folks pay every day for a crappy fast food meal.

Thanks to Brett of http://www.artofmanliness.com for this recipe.

 

When Kids Ask What GOP Stands For

I tell them it means “Government Obstructionist Party”.

GOP

They shutdown the government rather than pass a budget and raise the debt ceiling.

Consequently the economy lost $24 billion dollars for the quarter.

And the Congressional members did not lose a dime of income during this shutdown.

Here is a list of names of the 144 obstructionists that voted NO on the House of Representatives bill that raised the debt ceiling.  All of them are members of the GOP.

http://politics.nytimes.com/congress/votes/113/house/1/550

Here is a quote to think about.  “The extreme right has 90 seats in the House,” Mr. Echevarria, CEO of Deloitte, said. “Occupy Wall Street has no seats.”

Please make a note of these for the 2014 election so we can even the score.

When Are Fortune Cookies Faulty?

I got a fortune cookie the other day with an expiration date.

Fortune cookies

Fortune cookies

No not the cookie.

I mean the fortune.

Well sort of.

 

The fortune

said the following:

THE SKY’S THE LIMIT – THIS MONTH

Well the kicker is I got the cookie on the 15th.  So I really only have 16 days to cash it in.

Now what should I do, buy or risk?  Hmmmmmm …  to be continued.

Boehner Offers Peace Pipe

Shoot!  That isn’t a peace pipe.   Now we will have to start negotiating all over again.

boehner_peace_pipe

 

So much for diplomacy.  Must be time for Obama to step up to the plate.

 

Zombies in Congress

I recently came to the realization that our US Congress is as effective as a group of zombies.  Then a thought hit me like a bolt of lighting on a normally clear day with zombies all around.  Some of the Congressional members MUST BE ZOMBIES!

Could one or all of the following Congressmen be zombies?  Each said something similar to this, “Failure to raise the debt ceiling is NOT a problem.”   Only a brainless shell of a human being would say such a thing.

Here are some special radial isotope photos that show these Congressmen have no hearts!

zombie_congressmen

Even John Boehner is worried.

boehner_sleepy2

So everyone needs to be careful out there and question what any Congressional member says.  Any one of them could be a zombie that grunts mindless chatter.

Trucks To Tighten Beltway

Truckers are very upset over Congress.   Consequently, they are threatening to jam the DC Interstate 495 aka the DC beltway this weekend.  They are calling it “Truckers Ride for the Constitution”.

trucks

Truckers are upset over things like arming al Qaeda linked Syrian rebels.  Earl Conlon, an organizer of the event, told US News, “We’re not asking for impeachment, we’re asking for the arrest of everyone in government who has violated their oath of office.”

Earl was unavailable to comment on whether that included Republicans demanding repeal of Obamacare for the 42nd time.

Unfortunately members of Congress will miss the festivities because they are holed up in their exclusive gyms while thinking about the Federal shutdown.

gym

Congressional members are using the gym to sleep and take showers but must use the same towels.  That is because the laundry service is unavailable due to the Federal shutdown. That is almost as bad as not being able to get food stamps.

Someone commented that Congress is starting to smell like a post Halloween jack-o-lantern.

jack-o-lantern-bad

Maybe the smell will thaw out our frozen government.

Zombie Homes

RealtyTrac has just released data saying there are 770,000 zombie homes across the US.  That is a lot of zombies!  We have a bigger problem than I thought.  How do we get rid of all these zombies?

zombie_home

Above is a typical zombie home.  There could be one in your neighborhood!

Wait!  I have just been told by my significant other that  a zombie house is a foreclosed house.

Never mind.  zombie

Things I Will Carry – Things I Will Not Post

People are fascinated with what other people think is important.  Take for instance how to travel light or what to keep on a deserted island.

https://i0.wp.com/i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/13955786/2/stock-illustration-13955786-cartoon-man-on-deserted-island.jpg

While updating my LinkedIn.com profile the other day, I received a message about a blog post titled “Things I Will Carry”.  I was curious to see what that person considered the most valuable items to carry.

Well soon as I read it, another message showed up about things another person will carry.

Then another and another.

So I Googled it and found 773,000 websites with things I will carry.  Now that is a lot of things.  Who could possibly carry them all?

What was really odd was people said they would carry their fetish or their geekiness.

Say what?

I will defend any geek and accept most fetishes, but to tout them on a blog is over the top.

I will stick to my blogs about death, zombies and President Obama.  Did I actually put all of those in the same sentence?  Awesome!

P.S. Being an engineer, I have to confess, I will always carry a pen to write with.  But no pocket protector for me.

Making A Mustache Work

Who says having a mustache is out of date?

la cucaracha

Celebrities like James Franco, Colin Farrell, and Jason Sudeikis are sporting mustaches.  Consequently they are everywhere – on women, babies and teenagers.

mustache1-3

Here are the 3 commandments according to GQ magazine for making a mustache work.

http://shopping.yahoo.com/news/the-3-commandments-for-making-a-mustache-work-172231992.html

Never underestimate the power of the ‘stache.