Category Archives: Humor

Add Soy Sauce to List of Things to Avoid

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Okay.  Maybe that is going too far.  More like add it to a list of things to take in moderation as part of a modern nation.

less_salt_soy_sauce

Recently a young man, on a dare, swallowed a quart of regular soy sauce and almost died from too much salt.  This is almost as bad as a heaping spoon of cinnamon.

You probably already have a list of things to avoid including:  sugar, salt, fat, fast food, and anything that is still moving.

So next time grab for the low salt green bottle.  If you do not have a list, you better get started or your significant other will do it for you.  Because that list may include avoiding your favorite foods.

Oh, It’s A Jolly Holiday With Mar…..ines

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Our apologies to Walt Disney, Dick Van Dyke and of course Julie Andrews of Mary Poppins fame.  We couldn’t help but equate the umbrella and Mar…ine to a famous song.

Was a Marine Holding an Umbrella Over President Obama a Breech of Uniform Protocol

Some in the press questioned whether the Marine in the picture had broken protocol.  http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/05/17/was-it-against-uniform-protocol-for-the-marine-to-hold-obamas-umbrella/

To which, President Obama invited all Marines and the Turkish Prime Minister to a tea and umbrella party.

President Barack Obama and Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan.

Mary Poppins would be very proud of him.

Obama Says, “Here Is Lame Duck All Will Appreciate”

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He is talking about the large inflated rubber duck floating in Hong Kong’s Victoria Harbour.

The concept is from Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman.  The duck is taller than Obama towering 16.5 meters high.  Soon teenagers will be attempting to climb to the top of the duck which will result in the biggest belly flops seen since the “Splash” show premiered.

President Obama Puts The Pedal To The Medal

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It is not every day you get to see how productive a President can be.

President Barack Obama pedals bicycle-powered emergency water-sanitation station for Payton Karr, 16, left, and Kiona Elliott, 18, center, both from Oakland Park, Fla., to help demonstrate their invention, Monday, April 22, 2103, in the East Garden of the White House in Washington, where the president hosted the White House Science Fair to celebrate the student winners of a broad range of science, technology, engineering and math (STEM) competitions from across the country. The bicycle filters E. Coli and other harmful pathogens from contaminated water. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

President Obama is filtering water for drinking.  See this article for more information.

http://news.yahoo.com/obama-pedals-bike-3rd-white-house-science-fair-211943791–politics.html

 

 

St. Patrick’s Day Taffy

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irish_pucker“That’s the last time we eat green taffy from Hillary.”

NASA Wants To Change Name To LASSO

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The new acronym would stand for the Lasso Asteroids Space System Organization or better yet the Lasso Asteroids Space System for Obama.  Which do you like better?

lasso_satellite

The new organization’s main purpose is to fly an Orion spacecraft with an astronaut aboard to an asteroid, perform a tethering maneuver and tow the asteroid home.

CBS News has also learned that the new organization, LASSO, is seeking permission  to use its technology to lift Louie Anderson of the Splash show out of the pool.

Scientists agree this is better than having NASA wait around for the next President named Kennedy to give them a goal.

 

 

 

Kim Jung and Obama Play Ping Pong

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Okay not physically. Not like what Nixon and Kissinger did to open relations with China.  We are talking about verbal ping pong.  It all started when Obama made sure he had bigger binoculars.  NEWS ALERT – KIM GETS NEW BINOCULARS – See below.

two_binoculars

UPDATE AT BOTTOM.

Several days ago President Obama visited the Korean demilitarized zone and said, “It’s like looking across 50 years into a country that has missed 40 years or 50 years of progress.”  For more information see the following website. http://www.theatlanticwire.com/global/2012/03/Obama-Issues-North-Korea-Warning-Relatively-Safe-Distance/50301/

North Korea announced “the time has come to settle accounts with the US imperialists.”  See the following for more details. http://www.presstv.ir/usdetail/295615.html

US Defense Secretary Hagel admitted that “several B-2 bombers dropped dummy bombs on a South Korea island.”  Here is more: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/mar/28/b-2-stealth-bombers-drill-south-korea-defense-secr/

North Korea stated through it news agency that it has entered a “state of war” with South Korea as seen at the following website. http://news.yahoo.com/north-korea-issued-ultimate-definite-last-totally-final-022720835.html

Now North Korea has stated it has approved a nuclear attack on the United States.  Here are details. http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/world/north-korea-gives-final-approval-for-nuclear-attack-on-united-states/story-fnd134gw-1226612136732

White House Petition

The US has responded to aggressive talk by the North Koreans by further participating in drills with South Korea, positioning ships in the area and beefing up defenses in Guam.

We need to balance that strong defense with political gestures.  The perfect gesture is to mail 2 NY Knicks Tickets to the homes of the Supreme Leader Kim Jung Un and His Generals.  This way they know we know their home addresses and at the same time offer a gift to resume talks.  Please sign the petition at https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/reduce-n-korea-tensions-mailing-2-ny-knicks-tickets-homes-kim-jung-un-and-his-generals/4lYgFmxH

NEWS ALERT – KIM GETS NEW BINOCULARS

bigger_binocs

We will monitor this tense situation and see if Kim Jong Un gets his NY Knicks tickets..

March Caption Contest – The New 30

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Here is my entry,

march_2013_caption

Cardinal Conclave’s Concise Conciliatory Conclusion

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They did it.  After a day of discussions, arguing and farmisht, they did it.

Yes They decided that the new Pope will be a man!

At the end of the second day they agreed on a new pope.  Argentina’s Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio will be the new pope to represent the world’s Catholics.

Compared to the conclave, Bergoglio took very little time to decide to be known as Pope Francis.

Rumor has it he chose Francis because of Francis Bacon and “he always liked bacon.”

North Korea Cuts Off Pizza Hotline

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South Korea was in shock today when they learned they could no longer order pizza over the phone.

This action has increased the tensions between the two Korean countries which are already heightened due to recent launches of test missiles by both.

President Obama, when asked about his thoughts of the cutoff, remarked, “What a shame.  I really like pizza.”

Oh, my. We have just received word that the hotline was not a pizza hotline but a Red Cross hotline.  Well what do you know.  There are two kinds of hotlines.

As Gilda Radner famously said, “Never mind.”