Here is my entry to the USA Caption Contest featuring art work by Mike Smith.
For more retirement fun look at this post.
Caption Contest – Retirement
Reply
Category Archives: Humor
Chicken Takes Lickin’ and Keeps Tickin’
We can learn a lot from the Congresswoman from Denver.
She stated in a Committee meeting that Blacks were over weight and poor from eating too much chicken. She also claimed Mexicans were slimmer before migrating to the US because of more vegetables in the Mexican diet.
These broad statements are completely false. The chickens should organize a million chicken march.
We can learn several lessons from these statements:
1. Just about anybody can get elected with enough money.
2. People need to read or view unbiased news more often and not skip the statistics.
Now we know why the young people in the 20’s and 30’s are abstaining from voting.
But young people are our future and must take an interest to fix this situation. They do not have to march on Washington. But they do need to vote, no matter what. Always.
Everyone needs to be better than the chicken by takin’ a lickin’ and keep on tickin’.
Scientists Create Artificial Lips
Genetic engineers have nearly perfected growing lips on plants.
How is that for lip service?
We understand they are now working on growing ears on stocks of corn.
Obama Uses New Stealth Golf Cart
Obama, shown below, steps into the latest US technology on his summer vacation.
The $90 million prototype features a 4 foot high translucent screen that surrounds the cart which is equipped with a silent electric motor. Many tiny cameras, strategically placed around the cart, project the scenery to the opposite side to make the cart invisible.
Press Secretary, Jay Carney, said, “The stealth features of the cart and its mobility are better than a Harry Potter invisibility cloak.”
The President was enjoying his vacation and the new invention until a golfer did not see the cart and blasted a tee shot into one of the screens. That prompted Obama to quip, “We’ll have to work on bullet proof screens next.” The President’s comment resulted in a 10% jump in the futures price of bullet proof commodities.
Rumors are circling that Halliburton wants to purchase 100 of the stealth carts for their petroleum engineers in Iraq even though nobody has seen a petroleum engineer in Iraq in 3 years.
Which Wiener is the Winner?
A recent dachshund race in San Diego illustrates why dogs should not have windows.
As the red arrow points out, the race has started but one dog is busy looking out its back window. http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/life-video/video-dachshunds-race-for-top-dog-title/article13597261/
Here is another example.
Yep those are dogs slobbering out an RV window.
In conclusion, these photos illustrate why dogs should NOT have windows.
Regarding which wiener is the winner, it unfortunately is not the dog above the red arrow.
This Makes Rush Hour Seem Tame
Yes, the annual Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain can make your traffic nightmare seem dreamy. (Thanks to Jesus Diges.)
Okay you can go back to your easy listening radio channel. And remember no “drexting” aka driving and texting at the same time.
Warning: Doing Something Too Long May Become Permanent
Or at least that is what my Mother told me.
Here Malia Obama learns what happens when you cross your eyes for too long.
It becomes permanent.
Notice the two kids in the bottom of the picture. They freaked out when they looked into Malia’s eyes. They will never be the same.
Twinkies Are The Ultimate Zombie
They’re ba-ack!
Production of Twinkies will resume July 2013. Yippee!
They didn’t really have to come back to life so soon. The last batch of 2012 Twinkies has a shelf life of 20 years.
Exciting New Board Game – Where’s Hoffa?
Yes Parker Brothers and Martin Handford, of Where’s Waldo? fame, have introduced the latest board game to satisfy the insatiable appetites of Americans that love a challenge.
The game is based on a drawing by Martin Handford of a beach near one of the last places Jimmy Hoffa was seen. It features the western shore of Lake St. Clair near Roseville, Michigan.
Players take turns looking for Jimmy until a ten second hourglass is empty.
Can you see Hoffa in this picture?
Maybe not because this is a mock-up of the real game. You will have to buy the real one.
Good luck!
Every Man Needs One of These!
No! Not Bernanke!
I am talking about a Superman t-shirt.
There is an old, old, old saying that goes something like this: “He pulled the trump card to win.” This saying existed long before Donald Trump said, “You’re Fired!” on television. In fact, it has nothing to do with Donald Trump. It basically talks about having the winning card in a card game. But who plays card games anymore?
So what could be better than a winning playing card? How about a Superman t-shirt? Men can just rip off the outer layer of clothing and show everyone who the super hero is.
If Ben Bernanke has one, then every one has to have one.
Michael E Kelley 